82% Are Thriving Thanks to These 4 Surprising Methods – Learn How

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Emotional Intelligence (EI) has flooded the self-help world for decades and over the course of the years, it’s become clear to me just how transformative improvements can be, and how staying on this path in 2024 is more important than ever. I emphasize staying on this path because it’s not just about feeling good. It's about enhancing relationships, boosting mental health, and even advancing your career. Below, I share the four tactics that have been most helpful for me in leveling up my Emotional Intelligence.

1. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS DAILY

Mindfulness might sound like "fluff" to some, but for me it made an immediate impact. At first, it seemed too easy to work: just find a quiet spot, sit down and focus on my breathing – being aware of my thoughts – for 10 minutes every day. How on Earth could that help? Yet more and more evidence emerged to support it. An interesting study from Harvard concluded that mindfulness meditation may actually alter brain regions associated with memory, learning, and emotion regulation.

HOW I PRACTICED~

• Daily Meditation: I started with 10-15 minutes per day and gradually increased to 20-30 minutes/day in the evening where I could be undisturbed, undistracted. The program, InnaPeace, provided me with easy-to-follow guided sessions. Click this link and watch the video testimonies at the bottom of the page. I am still using the InnaPeace program as I write this.

• Mindful breathing: When dealing with a situation where I felt overwhelmed, I would take a few minutes and re-centre myself by focusing on my breathing. I learned to just pause and check in, before acting or reacting.

RESULTS:

It has made me immensely more aware of myself. When I notice that certain emotions are taking over, I do not react automatically, which before might have resulted in emotionally charged and heated situations. Rather, I investigate how I can respond sensibly and rationally.

2. DEVELOP EMPATHY THROUGH ACTIVE LISTENING

I’d also come to realize that I wasn’t as good at empathy as I thought I was. I had long considered myself somewhat of a good listener, but I had also come to feel like I spent much of my time waiting for the other person to stop talking so that I could get back to my turn. As Daniel Goleman, a major architect of the emotional intelligence movement, has pointed out, empathy is indispensable for good relationships. It is also critical to leadership.

HOW I PRACTICED~

Active Listening: To practice this, I made a conscious effort to really focus on conversations (especially one-on-one), maintain eye-contact, not pick up my phone to scroll, and just stay focused on the person talking. I tried to focus on listening without making an argument or judgment.

Reflective Listening: To show that I was; in fact, listening, I paraphrased what the speaker had said and asked clarifying questions to check my understanding.

RESULTS:

My empathy has greatly changed over time, and I am better equipped to understand and acknowledge other people’s feelings and perspectives. This ability has significantly impacted my personal relationships, as I feel more connected to the people around me. In practical terms, I’m now more competent in being part of a group and working in teams in a professional setting.

3. CULTIVATE EMOTIONAL REGULATION TECHNIQUES

The second key skill was emotional regulation: being able to exert control over one's emotional state. Often I would either suppress my feelings or be controlled by them. For instance, I was bad at apologizing when I did something wrong (mostly due to having a prideful spirit), which damaged some of my relationships. On the flip side, I tended to put my feelings on the backburner to protect either someone else or my surroundings, Suppressing those emotions only made matters worse. I would explode on people for seemingly no reason not realizing that the source of my emotional outburst stemmed from holding back my authentic feelings from a previous situation weeks or months ago. I needed to learn how to manage my emotions in a healthier and more balanced way for the purposes of a better psychological wellbeing and resilience.

HOW I PRACTICED~

Journaling: To explore my emotions on a daily basis, I started to journal consistently. I wrote about what initiated those feelings and how I reacted. Writing about what feelings or situations triggered a response from me, and how I dealt with it, allowed me to unpack past patterns, gain insight, and come up with better ways of coping.

Cognitive Reframing: I experimented with thinking about difficult situations differently. For instance, instead of seeing criticism as condemnation, I thought of it as an opportunity for growth and discovery.

RESULTS:

It felt as though better emotional regulation made me a more balanced and resilient person: I coped better with stress, was quicker to recover from days that didn’t go according to plan, and even – brace yourself – was doing better at work and with my family and friends!

4. ENHANCE SOCIAL SKILLS THROUGH PRACTICE

Finally, I have learned much about improving my social skills through better emotional intelligence at work. This last quadrant involves effectively interacting with others, being able to communicate, and handle conflict. It’s no wonder that psychologist, Dr Travis Bradberry, co-author of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (2009), says that people with strong social skills are often more successful and happier.

HOW I PRACTICED~

Networking: I made more effort to attend social events and talk to as many people as possible helping me practice the art of initiating and maintaining interactions.

Feedback-Seeking: Another tool I used was to seek feedback from trusted friends and colleagues regarding my communication style and my social interactions. It proved valuable to listen to their input on certain areas for improvement.

RESULTS:

Since building my social skills, it’s easier for me to feel at ease interacting with others and to create good, lasting connections. This has led to a larger network and more opportunities.

. . .

It has been a long and deep process with a lot of learning focused on mindfulness, empathy, emotional regulation and social skills. Since then, my relationships have blossomed, my mental health has greatly improved, my job has become more satisfying, and so much more. As we push through 2024, I will continue to refine these skills and others, and I’m excited to see what lies ahead!

If you would like to increase your EI, start with these four strategies first. They improved my life dramatically.

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